Just try taking Christmas pictures with four boys and a dog. I’m betting some of you have. I’m sure success will come eventually. I just took about 10 pictures (granted I just decided at random — didn’t even make sure their clothes or faces were clean…) and I think only one of them is remotely usable.
Yesterday we put up the Christmas tree and hung our stockings and decorated. We don’t have a whole lot of Christmas decorations. We keep things quite simple. But the kids do enjoy doing all the decorating. It’s fun seeing their excitement.
So after consuming the last of our Thanksgiving leftovers after church today (which by the way was muy delicioso!) I caught them all and forced them to sit still in front of the Christmas tree for 42 seconds while I snapped several pictures. There were various levels of cooperation… and as you can tell, few of those ever happened at exactly the same moment.
But almost perfect means that one person is looking in the wrong direction and another person (who will remain unnamed) seems to look just a little too happy. And you’ll find that someone manages to hold that excessively happy pose in pretty much every single picture.
Another almost perfect picture… except for that one that looks like he’s got his head sewn to the arm of the couch. And the one that looks like he’s going to yank the dog’s ear (he didn’t by the way, and never has… that’s my disclaimer… you know that whole, “No animals were harmed in the making of this Christmas picture…”)
Then there’s this one where Mr. Someone up top still has his ear sewn to the arm of the couch and now Mr. Waytoohappy isn’t showing his teeth but his eyes say it all. He’s way too happy. And the dog is starting to get annoyed with having to sit here this whole time and in his mind he’s saying, “Hey, Mr. Excessively Happy, I have places to go, things to see, people to sniff… can you please wipe the silly grin off your face and cooperate for 32.4 seconds so we can be done with this madness? THANKS! Sheesh. KIDS!” I have the distinct power of reading the mind of highly intelligent animals. Don’t be jealous. It’s just a gift.
Then Mr. Insanely Happy smirks even wider, Mr. Ear Sewn to the Couch looks like the thread just got pulled a wee bit tighter and Mr. Proud to be an American is saying, “Put up your dukes!!” Mr. Been Behaving and Smiling Beautifully This Whole Time now feels the distinct and incredible urge to look at something other than Mom for just .0002 seconds does just that. The highly intelligent animal in the middle is looking at Mr. Proud to be an American thinking, “I just know this is all his fault. Oh good grief! Someone rescue me! Surely there is a place where this kind of torture happens all the time and it’s called DOGGY HELL.” He is thinking of running away, far far away, to the Daisy Hill Puppy Farm.
Finally, it seems as if the pain becomes unbearable, the torture too effective… the highly intelligent animal lets out a primal and unearthly scream several decibels higher than anything the human ear is capable of hearing which is why the children surrounding him continue on in their ear sewn to the couch, ineffably nauseatingly peppy, off in la la land and almost perfectly steadfast cooperative ways.
They have no idea that he’s thinking about getting a prosthetic opposable thumb purely for the purpose of shooting himself in the head to put himself, once and for all out of his misery… when suddenly…. something almost (but not quite) magical happens….