Things that make you go phlarghblachspitewwy

I really don’t know how to spell the sound that vomiting makes. If it’s in a medical dictionary somewhere, I hope someone will be kind enough to bring it to my attention.

So occasionally we are blessed with hand me down books that other people have eschewed for one reason or another. Much of the time they are great books that the kids love that someone has simply grown out of. Other times we come across something too awful for words.

Tonight I shall bless you with a sampling of such faire. You can thank me later.

A board book with all of two pages, with the non-threatening title of, Playtime seems innocent enough, but I assure you it is the most repugnant piece of literature on the planet. Okay, so I can think of a few more sinister titles but, really, this is pretty awful.

Animal Friends


Animal Friends3 copy

Why do I need a barf bin? Because that sentence fragment makes me want to chew my fingernails and toenails down to bloody little stumps and cry like a baby. Either that or vomit. Hence the need for a barf receptacle.

I’m sorry but I didn’t know what those little kidney shaped barf receptacles were called. I even went to the trouble of Googling it but all I came up with in my quest was this. I never knew that people actually labored over the search for a “cute” barf receptacle. I must confess, the point of a cute barf receptacle rather escapes me. But I digress.

Animal Friends2

Animal Friends4

Extra points if you know where the quote that Lamby Larry is saying comes from. (What these points are good for, I do not know.)

Was that not the thickest plot ever? Were you not just HANGING (not from the sentence fragment) on the edge of your seat, just waiting to see what would become of the poor chipmunk who was going to be consumed by the bee? Were you not enthralled with anticipation, wondering what was going to happen to the little gymnast, Lamby Dave who wasn’t heeding Larry Lamb’s wise counsel?

And thus ends our story time today here at the Lunchbox Lounge. Thanks for joining us boys and girls! (said in my best Kindergarten teacher voice) Tune in next time for another stirring episode of, “Things that make you go phlarghblachspitewwy!”

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14 Comments

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  1. I used to be a CNA (nurse assistant) and I can tell you that the kidney shaped containers are called Emesis Basins. 🙂

    LOVE the book! Not!

  2. or maybe i should have said love the book while

    am i driving you crazy with the lack of punctuation and capitalization

    ok now i’m driving myself crazy at having omitted the question mark and the need to throw in an exclamation point UGH

  3. LOL! I hear you on how cruddy some kid books can be. My daughter got one for Christmas that just makes me shake my head…how on earth did it get published???

  4. I hear ya Natalie! LOL And they say children’s publishing is the hardest thing to break into. I look at this and scratch my head! :^D

  5. I love your new look, yes, very IKEA.

    Thanks for coming over to my site, yes, Fussy will want to duke it out. But, there is enough blog love to go around. I will even share my pedicure interview time with Ree, that’s just hte kind of blog gal I am.
    The Park Wife

  6. I’ve always called Ree the goddess of the blogosphere! LOL But she’s not anywhere near aloof enough to be that. She’s just…. well, she’s like the Princess Di of the blogosphere because she’s so down to earth and that’s why we all love her so much. I hope you get that pedicure with her. I’ve been trying to convince her since she started her blog that she and the fam really need to come to Calgary for the Stampede (rodeo). So far, no dice though. I can’t imagine why they wouldn’t want to drive all that way…. ;^P

  7. This must be a dollar store book. You know-at first glance you look at the book at say, “What a cute book; I wonder why it is only a dollar?” and then suddenly you notice why.

    Joanne’s last blog post..One Day at a Time

  8. Does it have something to do with Dave Barry?
    Now, I’m worried about my punctuation.

    Pamela’s last blog post..Fun Monday, Caught in a Web(site)

  9. Pamela, I was almost scared to post this because I figured that I would most likely miss at least one typo or error and have to eat crow. LOL :^D

    2001 Space Odyssey :^D

  10. Those books look like they were from the 1940s…yikes. I always crack up when I see books that don’t make any sense.

    Melinda’s last blog post..She blinded me with science

  11. I want to throw up thinking about the $14.99 (plus shipping and handling – I’m sure!) for a barf bucket! Our standard tupperware barf bucket was only about $2 at Walmart!
    Your comments made the book fun. Maybe you should submit them to the publisher for the next edition?
    DanaBelleBurns

    DanaBelleBurns’s last blog post..If you don’t want to eat it, play with it.

  12. Now, what I would like to know is “Why did you keep the book?”
    It’s because, as bad as it is, its even worse to throw it away. Right?

    I really like your new website, it takes up my whole computer screen, unlike most blogs.

    Karisma’s last blog post..Ellie-May is safe and well

  13. I LOVE phlarghblachspitewwy..it’s the perfect way to describe it and that mess of a book…

    Domestic Chicky’s last blog post..Pink Retro Love Giveaway!

  14. I think Michael J Nelson’s “Happy Kitty Bunny Pony” book addresses that very topic of sickening. Ok no one hate me but i think those puppies are adorable but who would name a dog “Cheeky????!?!?!”

    My parents would have loved that book though because when I was a kid, my brother and I got some sort of sadistic pleasure from making dad read “Babar and Father Christmas: the world’s longest book for children at about 99 pages long”

    HoundsGood’s last blog post..The Lost “St. Bernard Mix”

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